Welcome to I Have to Return Some Videotapes! Each month, film buffs Rhianna Mehta and Kevin Maguire will take you through their cinematic journeys with all of their usual insight and humour, catching up on their favourite films and exploring new ones.

Wow - we are already one month into 2022, and to be honest we don’t have much to show for it. With Ontario in a partial lockdown, unsurprisingly we spent a lot of January watching movies. What we did not expect is that we leaned towards picking some pretty bad movies, just to see what they were like. We feel that in order to really appreciate great cinema, one must subject themselves to the truly awful once in a while. Most of the “bad” films we watched were pretty hard to get through, but one gem that is worth calling out (that is not included in our reviews below) is Voyage of the Rock Aliens - which can be found on YouTube here. This movie is utterly nonsensical, but features some of the best 80’s pop music that we have ever heard. The soundtrack for the film is probably our most listened to music in 2022 (for real). Thank you to our favourite podcast How Did This Get Made for introducing this absolute banger film to us!

If you would like to connect with us further on Letterboxd, please find us at rhirhi19 and Kevin_Maguire. If you want to get a sense of our taste, some of our favourites in each genre, and the way we approach film overall, be sure to check out our appearance on The Generalists.

Monthly Favourites:

Rhianna: Witness for the Prosecution (Billy Wilder, 1957) I just can't seem to get enough of these old classic films, as yet another of my monthly favourite films is directed by the legendary Billy Wilder. Witness for the Prosecution centers around an esteemed and cantankerous lawyer Sir Wilfred Robarts. Robarts is recovering from a near fatal-heart attack, when he is introduced to a case he cannot refuse: a young man by the name of Leonard Vole, who is being tried for the sensational murder of a rich, middle-aged widow. Based on a play of the same name by Agatha Christie, this must be one of the most exceptionally written and witty films in the genre. This film boasts wonderful performances by lead actors Tyrone Power and Charles Laughton, who play the accused and his lawyer respectively. However, in my opinion the best performance by far is Marlene Dietrich’s as the wife of the accused. Although her screen time is limited, Marlene makes the most of it - her range in the film starts from being a stoic, calm wife who has learned her husband has been accused of murder, all the way to a loud, lively vaudevile style singer and a dancer. The film is split almost right in the middle into two halves: the first half is the preamble of Sir Wildred Robarts learning about his client Leonard Vole, and the second half is the trial itself. Billy Wilder masterfully segues between these two stories, which in turn makes changes in tone throughout the film feel fluid and organic. This film reminded me of 12 Angry Men, not that the stories are similar, but because despite both films being 65 years old, the pacing of the films and the dialogue feel very modern. If you love a courtroom thriller, this must be your next watch!

Runner-up: Seven Samurai (Akira Kurosawa, 1954) This cinematic classic clocks in at 3 hours and 27 minutes, and every minute is worth watching. The film is set in 16th century Japan, and concerns a desperate group of villagers who hire samurai in exchange for protection from bandits. This film's influence and impact is clear: it has been remade, referenced countless times and popularized the now commonplace “assembling of a team” trope in film. Beyond being as thrilling and action packed as I expected this film to be, it was also hilarious – the balance of action to comedy should serve as a benchmark for all action films. This is really one movie that is worth making the time for!

Kevin: C’mon C’mon (Mike Mills, 2021) First and foremost, can we PLEASE make more new movies in black and white? I think director Mike Mills made a brilliant choice in doing so because the film looks absolutely stunning. Sound also plays a significant role in the film as the main character Jonny, played by Joaquin Phoenix, is a radio journalist who records sound for a living. The film centers around the relationship of Johnny and his nephew, Jesse, who comes to stay with him. Jesse’s mother Viv and Jonny have not spoken since their mother’s death, putting a strain on their relationship. To make matters worse, she has had to leave Jesse in Jonny’s care to assist her estranged husband suffering from mental illness. While the relationships between the characters can initially be described as cold and distant, they come to realize that they are stronger together than they ever could be apart. It is truly a story of tragedy bringing out the love and devotion we have for those closest to us. When Jonny’s work resumes he must take Jesse with him around the country. Tension builds between the two of them as they struggle to learn to live with one another. While heartbreaking at times, the development of their bond seemed like a very honest and raw portrayal of what it is like to create new relationships with those you love. Watching them discuss their loves, fears and hopes is genuinely beautiful. I honestly think this might be Joaquin Phoenix’s best performance and surely deserves some Oscar consideration. I would definitely say this is one of my favourite movies of the past year.

Runner-up: Seven Samurai (Akira Kurosawa, 1954), CODA (Siân Heder, 2021)

Least Favorite:

Rhianna: Space Jam: A New Legacy (Macolm D. Lee, 2021) As someone loved watching the original Space Jam as a child, I was hoping that at the very least this film would coax up some nostalgia. Unfortunately, this film is such a trainwreck that I got nothing from it. LeBron James and his son, Dom, become trapped by rogue Artificial Intelligence in a digital, internet-based world while at Warner Brothers Studios. To escape, it is up to LeBron and the Looney Tunes gang to battle it out on a digitized basketball court against his son and modified basketball players to win his and his sons freedom. One of my biggest gripes with this film is that the Looney Tunes characters are severely underutilized in their comedy and typical antics - and when they were used, a lot of their jokes were pop culture references. Without the Looney Tunes cracking jokes and being silly, all that hilarity is left to LeBron - yikes. Another disappointing aspect of this film is the expanded Warner Brothers world LeBron finds himself in. Integrating the Looney Tunes with a few scenes from other Warner Brothers films felt at best lazy and at worst hollow and corporate. If those few scenes were not bad enough, during the marquee basketball game, the fans watching the game are thousands of characters from Warner Brothers catalogue. Perhaps it would have been cool from a technical standpoint to have characters spliced in from Warner Brothers films such as It, Batman & Robin and A Clockwork Orange - however that wasn’t the method by which these characters were brought into Space Jam. Instead, the studio filmed seemingly random actors to play the likes of Pennywise, Mr. Freeze and the Droogs - which ultimately made some of the characters unrecognizable. I had heard that Bette Davis’ character from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane was in the new Space Jam, only to realize Bette Davis was not spliced into Space Jam, but was instead being played by another actress that barely resembled her. Honestly this film was a total mess, and I would not recommend it to anyone - not even LeBron fans.

Runner-up: The Ladies Man (Reginald Hudlin, 2000) This movie was so unbelievably unappealing to me. Other than Lorne Michaels, I literally have no idea who could possibly find this funny.

Kevin: Flightplan (Robert Schwentke, 2005) This month consisted of watching the largest amount of bad movies in any month since we began writing this article. And in this entire month, Flightplan still takes my top spot as the worst of the worst this month. The trailer to this movie set it up to be a psychological thriller. While this is definitely an element of the film, there is a strong shift away from this narrative about half way through. The majority of the movie takes place within the cabin of the plane, which makes for a very underwhelming setting to go with the mediocre story. You follow Kyle Pratt, played by Jodie Foster, and her daughter who are flying back to the United States on a luxury aircraft Kyle helped design. You would think the designer of the plane would have some great seats, but they are inexplicably placed well in the middle of the aircraft. They are traveling with a casket containing their late husband and father who recently died under disputable circumstances. When Kyle wakes from a nap, her daughter is missing and somehow no one on the entire aircraft remembers her being there. I have been on many flights, and I know for a fact one of the first things people look for is if there are going to be obnoxious children on the plane. The amount of disdain the rest of the passengers and crew have towards Kyle also seems very out of place and unbelievable. No one seems to care that her child is missing or believe her daughter even exists. At about the midway point, the film abruptly switches to a more traditional plane heist movie, which completely halts any bit of momentum the first half had. It truly felt like two separate movie ideas were incoherently mashed together to form one bad movie. When you combine the weak story, poor acting, and limited set, you are left with a fairly boring thriller with a twist that just did not fit. And of course the post-9/11 trope of blaming the Middle Eastern people on the flight is just icing on the cake. This movie is a must skip.

Runner-up: Serving Sara (Reginald Hudlin, 2002), Space Jam: A New Legacy (Malcolm D. Lee, 2021)

Biggest Surprise:

Rhianna: Y Tu Mamá También (Alfonso Cuarón, 2001) Warning: this film is NSFW and NSFWWF (not safe for watching with family). Y Tu Mamá También follows two teenage boys in Mexico City, who meet an attractive, older woman who accompanies them on a roadtrip to the beach. Anyone who has been on a roadtrip knows the extent to which conversations become niche, intimate and vulnerable, especially before the advent of mobile devices and tablets. What I loved about this film is that everything from the dialogue to the behaviour of the teenage protagonists felt so honest and reminiscent of adolescence, even if extremely explicit. The film mostly follows the roadtrip, but there are cutaway scenes included with voice over narration, which provides more context to the memories and stories the boys share. The boys, Tenoch and Julio, are seeminling attached at the hip, but the narration provides a really interesting glimpse into their personal lives and what they choose to share and not share with each other. This is one of those films that really reminds you of how formative the days of your youth are, and how even one roadtrip could change your entire outlook on life.

Runner-up: CODA (Siân Heder, 2021) This film is proof that cliches can be revitalized and rewarding. CODA tells the story of Ruby, a teenager who spends her mornings helping out with her family's fishing business before going to school, and who is also the only hearing person in her family. What her family does not know is that Ruby has a secret passion and talent for singing, and that she is struggling between pursuing her dreams and leaving behind her family. This film is so funny, heart-warming, and offers a new take on such an age-old story - I cannot recommend this enough!

Kevin: What’s Up, Doc? (Peter Bogdonavich, 1972) I have to admit I have not seen a Barbra Streisand movie other than Meet the Fockers until this one. And let me tell you, she absolutely kills it! The movie takes place in a San Francisco hotel where all of the characters are staying, four of whom have identical bags. What ensues is a multitude of funny gags, miscommunications and all around mayhem. Streisand’s character Judy Maxwell has her sights set on something other than the bags and it happens to be Dr. Howard Bannister, played perfectly by Ryan O’Neal. While their story is definitely that of opposites attract, the chemistry they display in the movie is undeniable. Both are able to pull off huge laughs with the simplest lines because they seem so naturally in tune with one another. While their chemistry flourishes, you are treated to several well developed side characters. You have rich socialites, secret agents, thieves and more all creating havoc around the hotel as they knowingly and unknowingly exchange the identical bags with such great pace and timing. Everything works in a symphony of outlandish characters and actions. There is also an amazing element of meta humour with Barbra Streisand quoting several movies, including one from Ryan O’Neal himself! With such a fun story and characters, this is a great watch for everyone.

Runner-up: Eighth Grade (Bo Burham, 2018), The General (Buster Keaton & Clyde Bruckman, 1926)

Coming Attractions:

We know we sound like a broken record at this point, but we are finally anticipating getting to the movie theater! We have been dreaming of a big bag of Cineplex popcorn, an ice cold drink and watching something on the big screen. We are also looking forward to seeing when some of this year’s most anticipated movies are expected to be released, such as Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse, The Northman, and the new installment of The Batman. Until next month!